it feels great to finally be able to train seriously. today, i was able to do some table drills with coach Joseph. and even though he gives those many balls in lighting speed with breath taking capabilities, i loved every bit of it. heart pumping, sweat dripping. i really want to excel in table tennis. i really do. and there is so much i have to learn and experience. most of the players i know have been playing since they were kids. since they were in grade school. i only started playing this past summer. i've been on the team for 6 months. i've been playing this sport for 6 months. i feel sad actually. knowing that i won't be able to continue this seriously after college. i'll have to focus on my med proper by then. and that by itself is no joke. but ok. it's ok. i have time until i graduate. and i hope. I HOPE. that by that time, i can win against the great players i watched perform their best during the competitions i've attended. i hope i can win against those players who defeated me without dripping any sweat. if not win, at least put up a tough fight.
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a few hours ago, a friend of mine asked if i wanted a boyfriend. she's a sophomore now, in miriam high school. of course, i told her the truth. i told her yes. but i also told her that i'm done looking for one. that i'm done searching for one. since 6th grade i've been waiting and looking for that first boy i can actually have a romantic relationship with. he hasn't arrived, and i'm tired of waiting and looking. But i told her, this girl who i think i see some of myself in, that i'm not giving up. just because i'm not looking or searching, it does not mean that i'm not interested anymore. i still want a boyfriend. but this time, i'm not going to look. i'm going to live my life, continue with it, and focus on other things. things more important such as school. i told her that the boy will come when he will come. the time will come when it is time. especially when it is the right time. i also told her that i'm focusing on making more friends now. just make friends with the guys, without the prospect of making them your boyfriend some day. have fun and don't dwell on the idea that you don't have a boyfriend. we both agree that having a guy best friend would be cool. but i'm pretty sure she also wants a special someone who is all to herself. ;)
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just as the day ends, two of my closest friends come to me for comfort through Yahoo Messenger. Both of them having some thoughts about their boyfriends (ex-boyfriends). i always find it amazing how people who are in a relationship can approach me for some advice or comfort when i myself have not been in one. is it because i say the right things? or the things they want to hear? or am i really just a good friend who knows how to give a shoulder to cry on (even if it's electronic)? One of them told me that the reason she loves talking to me is because "i understand things". that really shocked me. i never really thought that i understood things. i just try to understand things, make sense of what they're telling me and what they're feeling. in fact, at some point, i'm at a loss already as to what to say. as to what to do to comfort them. i've never really been a sensitive person. it takes time for me to sense if something is up or if something is wrong. I find it hard to be sympathetic. i have this fear of saying the wrong things. i'm afraid of making it worse. i'm afraid of giving the wrong advice. but somehow, these people still find it comforting to talk to me. i'm happy. i'm glad that i can make people happy. if not, at least feel better than they already are. or help them bear the pain or whatever they're feeling. i feel special and loved knowing that there are people who find that i "am the only one" they can talk to about certain kind of things.
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Mom was all the more lovely today. right after picking us up from training, she drove straight to Red Ribbon and bought us Banoffee pie. i love it! we also had such a grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat dinner (thanks to ate Buday). i love mum super duper. and i know that she loves us too very very very much. hey, that pie was expensive. but super duper uber good. ;) love ya mom! you made my day.
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If you want something, you really have to want it to happen. You have to focus and concentrate. You have to give your all. But you also shouldn't make it the center of everything, of all your energy, of all your time. There are still other things to take care of, other things to pay attention to, other things to enjoy and exert effort in. There are also some things that you can't always get or have. There are some things that you have to wait for no matter how much you want it.
I really want to excel in pingpong, i have to work for it.
I want a boyfriend, it will come.
I've been depressed. depression is a decision.
If you want to stop crying, you have to want to stop crying.
If you want to forget, you have to tell yourself you will forget.
I've been craving for banoffe pie for the longest time. well, hello. i have it today.
Patience is always part of the game of life. You never know, what you want may just fall on your lap...what you want may just arrive...what you want may just happen (even if you had to walk through hell and back just to get it). Everything will come and pass in due time. Things take time.
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i wish i could go back in time and attend the fair again. hello freedom venue for catching (and flirting?) with boys. hahaha. i miss those times. it's the MC fair this week.
