the middle child

the middle child is the one that stands out. the one that differs from the rest. especially in a child count of three. yes, we are three. and i am the eldest.

The middle child: the one who's as popular as hell. who everybody knows. the one who everybody loves. and i mean everybody. the one who's into the sports instead of the arts. (well, before. now he's into theatre and varsity table tennis.) the god of sports as i sometimes call him. better yet, the king of extra-curricular. the one who can relate best to the youngest child. the one the youngest child loves to play with. the one who's growing up to be dad junior. and mom junior as well. (carbon copy, as they say.) he's one of the two who'll carry out our family's name. the one who's strong. and never got confined. the one who's determined. and biked to tagaytay, mt. maarat, antipolo... the one who doesn't get mad so easily. but bursts out in the end. the one who's charming. and can get anyone to do anything. simply because he asked. (sometimes, he doesn't even have to ask.) the one who i love. i really really love. but doesn't believe that i love. the one who i try to reach out to. i really really try to reach out to. but closes the door when i try to. the one i long to cuddle with. but end up playing wrestling with. the one i want to snuggle with. but doesn't take it seriously and i get irritated instead. the one i want to impress. but can't seem to do so. the one i want to love me back. he says he does. but sometimes i just don't feel it so.

i love my brother very very very much. and today he turns 15. He no longer is the little boy i get to so easily please. he no longer is the little boy i get to hug, kiss, and squeeze. He's all grown up now. a boy in his prime. i wonder, will he need his older sister this time?

i am very very very proud of you Mihali. for all that you have ever accomplished. for all that you ever are. I love you to the highest power. and i hope that you would know this. because you are perfect the way you are.

Happy Birthday little brother. :)

padre-de-familia

Half of my being is made up of my beloved father.

23 of my chromosomes come from him. One of my x chromosomes, the chromosome that decides my sex, is from him too. So literally, he's half of me. But aside from all the scientific mumbo-gumbo! Looking in the mirror, i see so much of him in me...

My hair, oh yes my hair, is mainly because of him. And so is my height and my uncanny inability to do the arm-jumprope that my mother and brothers can so easily do. My toes are definitely from him. They are distinctly different from my brothers' toes. My legs, my ability to gain weight, my crouching habit...all from him. Past the skin, i know that he has influenced me even deeper. I absolutely love watching kung-fu movies, the same goes for old cow-boy movies (The good, the bad, and the ugly = the best!). I also have a liking, or craving, towards chinese food. (e.g. mamonluk and chowking) Actually, most of what I eat is influenced by him. I like what he eats. I also have a ballpen fetish...just like him. He has so much as influenced me to like biking and table tennis as well. And as you know, i am not really into sports. I guess he has also triggered the inner-environmentalist in me. With the firefly brigade and all. My love for chuck taylors is definitely his fault. He dressed me up in them since i was a wee kid. Well, him and mom...but mostly him.

I owe so much to my father. For loving me always and for supporting me in whatever I do. For making me laugh and for making me smile. For teaching me to think, for pushing me further, and for testing my limits. I have learned so much from him...and i am still learning. I want to be like him. I want to be his strong, opinionated, deep, makata self. I love him so much.

My father has seeped deep into my skin. He is my skin.

Happy Birthday Dad.
You are and will always be the best dad in the whole wide universe.
Thank you for being just that.

buhay pa ako.

sa umagang ito, gigising siya muli. hindi sa kaniyang pagtulog, kundi sa katotohanan. tapos na ang mga araw ng pagsasaya. oo, tapos na. nakapagpahinga, este nakahinga nang maluwag, na siya (ang paglabas ay hindi kasama sa pahinga. pahinga ang paghiga sa kama buong araw nang walang ginagawa kundi kumain lamang kung kailangan). isa't kalahating araw ng paghinga nang maluwag, mahaba na iyon. oo, mahaba na iyon. kailangan na niyang bumalik sa katotohanan. sa realidad. kailangan na niyang magtrabaho muli. hay nako. kakayanin kaya niya ito? oo. kakayanin niya ito. aba, dapat lang.

lahat ng tao kailangan ang magpahinga. kailangang makaranas ng kahit konting saya. kahit panandalian lamang. upang makalimot, makahinga, makaranas ng buhay. oo, buhay.

frisbee!

Today i played frisbee.

I've always wanted to play frisbee. Especially with my friends. But they hold it every tuesday and thursday and i can't get to play because i have class at that time. Today was different though because i no longer have p.e. classes. Yesterday was my finals and now i have tuesday and thursday mornings off. Yipee! Now i get to play.

In the beginning i was afraid. I agreed to play but didn't really want to have anything to do with the game. Simply because i didn't know how. I would run around, fine. Run and run in the direction that i was supposed to run. But i was too scared to catch the disk or even throw it. I didn't want to touch it. I guess it was also because i didn't want to let the others down. I didn't want to be the reason of our defeat. But i guess, by not participating, i was doing the same thing. It's a good thing i had great teammates who encouraged me to play the game. They told me not to be afraid. They told me to try. They assured me it was okay to make a mistake. So aside from the burning heat of the sun on my skin and the burning heat in my lungs due to lack of oxygen, i still had to psyche myself to try. try, aneka, try. I didn't want to give up.

Bottom line is, i eventually built up the guts to try. I was no longer afraid to catch the disk or even throw it. Though i still believe there is a bit of hesitation, at least i began trying. Imagine this, i was able to catch one of the passes that scored. oh yes, i helped in making a score. and i am so proud.

Life is like the game. You just have to build up the guts to keep trying. Make a mistake? Make up for it the second time around. Being afraid or "safe" is the worst thing you can do to stay in the game. In fact, when you're afraid, you're not even playing. Surrounding yourself with good company is key in living a good life, the same way having good teammates is key in winning a game.

Our team won today. We were down by 4 points but we made it.
We. Made. It.

I want to win another game.
I want to win at life.

finding myself

these past few days in school, we've done nothing but reflect. English class, Filipino class...even Intact! my god. It's been an exploration of nothing else but self. Don't get me wrong or anything. I actually do want to find myself - to understand who i really am. But sometimes, these things can be a little bit frustrating...especially if what you learn isn't so clear after all. The good thing is that what i learned about myself is, let's put it this way, nothing really new. I knew these things about me even from before.

i just never stated them out loud.

my conclusion:
1. i still hold some insecurities which, if i remember correctly, began in grade school.
2. i am an extrovert.
3. i am a people person.
4. there are still some things about me that people don't know about. (i'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing)