endings can be great sometimes

wow. last night's party was sooo great. It was wonderful to see my blockmates all dressed up for such a sweet get together before Christmas. The girls were in dresses and the guys in polos. We had beer and wine -- not too much drinks -- we were all pretty behaved. The food was great with the taco salad, pasta, and others. Tj's place is the best place to have party. Thanks TJ! The exchange gifts part went well. I got some things that were on my wishlist. :) So far, i have a favorite. (and those who know me really well know which one it is and who it came from. haha)

Last night's party was one load of fun. I think this is, so far, the best party the block has thrown. It was evident. Everyone was happy.

It was, nothing but perfect.

At the close of year 2007, we all have a wonderful 2008 to look forward to knowing we've built very strong relationships with each other. i'll be missing those guys over our Christmas break. I actually can't wait to see them again next year.

to more happy memories of the block and our coursemates, Merry Christmas! :)

Kara Derthick

It was great seeing her again after 12 years. that was one hell of a long time for not seeing one of your closest friends when you were a child. I'm amazed and very much happy that we can still get along after all these years. I was afraid that we'd have nothing left in common since when you're kids, all you really care about is if you can get along with each other enough to play. well, we still get along and i'm very much eager to still get to know her some more -- learn her likes, her dislikes, her habits, and others. She is one wonderful person and i'm glad that i got to meet her again.

Our meeting was a bit nerve wrecking for me. I had no idea what to do, how to entertain her, what to talk to her about. But (thank God!) it seems as if she had a good time, somewhat. I was only able to meet up with her twice during her stay here in the Phils. The first one was with mom, we visited them at Aunt Pindie's place at makati. The second time, i commuted to makati via trains with a friend who's an expert in the ins and outs of makati after class and met up with her at glorietta mall.

I'm very very very glad that i took the time and effort to meet her again. Everything was very worth it. Even though it was just for a short while, it was an amazing experience. I was extremely sad when i had to say goodbye. i wish it didn't have to be so soon. I wish her stay could've extended 'til Christmas break so that i'd have more time to spend with her. Nevertheless, i know there will still be other opportunities. We endured 12 years, i guess we can endure another number of them. :)

i miss you.

kara derthick, you better come back here.

plus plus!

here are other great things that happened tah-day:

-- i had breakfast with a great funny friend who wanted to make me feel better after that horrid first organic chemistry long test we trudged through last night.
-- Sci10 was a free cut!
-- i didn't feel sleepy in Chem class. i was actually semi-listening! and actually understanding a bit of something!
-- i was able to take a nap today. oh please i so needed a break a rest anything.
-- i got home early because mom picked me up an hour before training was supposed to end.
-- i just finished watching a DVD. :)

life is good so far. it's the weekend and I'm loving it. i just hope next week won't be so much of hell (then again, every school week is like it. no doubt about it)
oh well, i just always have to look at the brighter side of things. right?

Christmas Wishlist!

the items are somewhat ranked from most wanted to wanted. meaning, number one is the one i really really really want, and everything else follows. of course, having this list doesn't mean that these are the only gifts i want to receive. I'm happy with anything, it's the thought and the person giving the gift that matters. :) anyways, so here it goes:

1. iPod nano (see this blog entry for more information.)
2. uniquely designed Vans shoes -- the slip-on ones! (this one has its own entry too!)
3. Graphic slash Funky slash Witty slash Funny tees
4. Jeans!
5. A good book (or a few good books if you want :3 )
6. cute printed underwear (undies, socks, etc. -- hey! they're useful!)
7. sexy bathing suit please!
8. Jansport backpack
9. adorable laptop sleeve
10. YOUR LOVE!!!

p.s.
i know i know, pretty materialistic except for that last one. but hey, this is a wishlist, right? meaning, i can wish? hahaha. anyways, there ya go. when all else fails, just get me anything. as i said earlier, it doesn't really matter. it's you who counts, and not the gift.
get/make me something sentimental, if we've been through a lot. :)

you just got to love it.

i hate tuesday nights and wednesdays.
actually, no. not really. i just hate whatever day my lab class falls on.
so whether it be a monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, or friday, as long as there's lab, i will curse that day and the night before it. really. seriously. i grow acne from just attending that four hour long class.
wishing i had someone warm to give me unlimited hugs and ego boosters for days like this.

Oasis.

something great amidst all the chaos.

Munting Buhangin, Batangas. Dec 1 and 2 team outing.


so much for being too lazy to get into the stressed-crazy-school-mode, it's been that for the past month. it's still that today.

damn chemistry long test on thursday...damn all requirements due today, this wednesday, this week, this whatever. one day and one night rest period is not enough for whatever the Ateneo is giving me.

school starts tom.

yelch.
i'm still too lazy to get back into my thinking-busy-stressed-crazy mode.

caution! rant entry ahead.

Iwantone.

oh look, a schedule!

It's raining really hard right now and i know i have to take a shower. but it's so cold! i've got training at six... i wonder how i'm going to get there? i always take the bike. if the rain doesn't stop, guess i'll have to find another way. oh well.

here's my shed for this second sem. i finally made it. lotsa colors!

yesterday.

yesterday was an okay day. as always, i have okay days. although there are some things that made the day all the more better.

yesterday was enrollment day for me and the great thing was, i didn't have to go through that whole long-line-waiting-thingy. i just went straight to the chashier. woohoo. i was done in less than an hour. i also saw a lot of my friends and coursemates. i saw my long-time crush holding hads with the girl he really really likes and has been pursuing for a long time now. i realized that i'm over him and that i'm happy that he finally found someone who'll love him back. he's such an emo boy. hahaha.

great thing number two is that i saw erica. again, without us talking or anything, we find each other yet again. it's amazing how we always do that. anyways, since we found each other along the benches of Berchmans, we decided to go visit Ina and her cutest little baby boy Zaghi. which brings me to great thing number three.

Great thing number three is that little baby Zaghi (who is not yet 1!) can WALK. yes, he can already walk. and he's the cutest! really! he's such an adorable littly baby. and he's not scared of people. he's actually very lovable and malambing. just thinking of him makes me smile. i really miss those two - mother and son. i really should see them more often.

next great thing was that i was able to go back to that La Vista house i always used to go to when i was back in Miriam. Yep, i set foot once again in Lola Liling's house after such a long time. It was very very very nice to see Lola again. I'm happy that she's feeling so much better now. I also missed Manang Lulu's cooking. And oh my, she still makes such a great yummy merienda. She never fails to make me salivate. Hahaha.

I get home around past five already and i have training at 6pm. So i rushed to get ready and biked to the Blue Eagle Gym. I was a bit late but it was okay anyways. I was still able to catch up. Training, as always, was so tiring...BUT fun. it's great that i'm finally using these muscles to a greater extent. now my legs are sore. great thing number five? Frances Cadiz and i went to Starbucks after training and had some yummy frappuccinos. Thanks for the treat Frances! That was some way to end the day. :)

But of course, the ultimate great thing of the whole day is going and getting home. even if i'm gone for just a little while, i always end up missing my family. Getting home to my family - the people i love the most - is the ultimate great thing.

hohum.

just got my grades.
not what i wanted them to be.
not what i expected them to be.
not what i wished them to be.
but they're okay anyways.
at least,
i got a higher q.p.i
oh well.

grades come out tomorrow.

well, sembreak is officially OVER. yep. it's over. grades come out tomorrow and enrollment is the day after. training ensues tomorrow as well. i've got to get back into that work/study/train mode again. i'm afraid my brain might not want to work just yet.

p.s. i thought today was saturday.

in for a peep.

i know i know i know, i've been busy and i haven't been writing. although i just sit in front of my pc the whole day. want to know what i've been up to? i added a new link. check it out. it will help with the wondering. ;)

but fairs are so high school

it feels great to finally be able to train seriously. today, i was able to do some table drills with coach Joseph. and even though he gives those many balls in lighting speed with breath taking capabilities, i loved every bit of it. heart pumping, sweat dripping. i really want to excel in table tennis. i really do. and there is so much i have to learn and experience. most of the players i know have been playing since they were kids. since they were in grade school. i only started playing this past summer. i've been on the team for 6 months. i've been playing this sport for 6 months. i feel sad actually. knowing that i won't be able to continue this seriously after college. i'll have to focus on my med proper by then. and that by itself is no joke. but ok. it's ok. i have time until i graduate. and i hope. I HOPE. that by that time, i can win against the great players i watched perform their best during the competitions i've attended. i hope i can win against those players who defeated me without dripping any sweat. if not win, at least put up a tough fight.

-~*~-

a few hours ago, a friend of mine asked if i wanted a boyfriend. she's a sophomore now, in miriam high school. of course, i told her the truth. i told her yes. but i also told her that i'm done looking for one. that i'm done searching for one. since 6th grade i've been waiting and looking for that first boy i can actually have a romantic relationship with. he hasn't arrived, and i'm tired of waiting and looking. But i told her, this girl who i think i see some of myself in, that i'm not giving up. just because i'm not looking or searching, it does not mean that i'm not interested anymore. i still want a boyfriend. but this time, i'm not going to look. i'm going to live my life, continue with it, and focus on other things. things more important such as school. i told her that the boy will come when he will come. the time will come when it is time. especially when it is the right time. i also told her that i'm focusing on making more friends now. just make friends with the guys, without the prospect of making them your boyfriend some day. have fun and don't dwell on the idea that you don't have a boyfriend. we both agree that having a guy best friend would be cool. but i'm pretty sure she also wants a special someone who is all to herself. ;)

-~*~-

just as the day ends, two of my closest friends come to me for comfort through Yahoo Messenger. Both of them having some thoughts about their boyfriends (ex-boyfriends). i always find it amazing how people who are in a relationship can approach me for some advice or comfort when i myself have not been in one. is it because i say the right things? or the things they want to hear? or am i really just a good friend who knows how to give a shoulder to cry on (even if it's electronic)? One of them told me that the reason she loves talking to me is because "i understand things". that really shocked me. i never really thought that i understood things. i just try to understand things, make sense of what they're telling me and what they're feeling. in fact, at some point, i'm at a loss already as to what to say. as to what to do to comfort them. i've never really been a sensitive person. it takes time for me to sense if something is up or if something is wrong. I find it hard to be sympathetic. i have this fear of saying the wrong things. i'm afraid of making it worse. i'm afraid of giving the wrong advice. but somehow, these people still find it comforting to talk to me. i'm happy. i'm glad that i can make people happy. if not, at least feel better than they already are. or help them bear the pain or whatever they're feeling. i feel special and loved knowing that there are people who find that i "am the only one" they can talk to about certain kind of things.

-~*~-

Mom was all the more lovely today. right after picking us up from training, she drove straight to Red Ribbon and bought us Banoffee pie. i love it! we also had such a grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat dinner (thanks to ate Buday). i love mum super duper. and i know that she loves us too very very very much. hey, that pie was expensive. but super duper uber good. ;) love ya mom! you made my day.

-~*~-

If you want something, you really have to want it to happen. You have to focus and concentrate. You have to give your all. But you also shouldn't make it the center of everything, of all your energy, of all your time. There are still other things to take care of, other things to pay attention to, other things to enjoy and exert effort in. There are also some things that you can't always get or have. There are some things that you have to wait for no matter how much you want it.

I really want to excel in pingpong, i have to work for it.

I want a boyfriend, it will come.

I've been depressed. depression is a decision.

If you want to stop crying, you have to want to stop crying.

If you want to forget, you have to tell yourself you will forget.

I've been craving for banoffe pie for the longest time. well, hello. i have it today.

Patience is always part of the game of life. You never know, what you want may just fall on your lap...what you want may just arrive...what you want may just happen (even if you had to walk through hell and back just to get it). Everything will come and pass in due time. Things take time.

-~*~-

i wish i could go back in time and attend the fair again. hello freedom venue for catching (and flirting?) with boys. hahaha. i miss those times. it's the MC fair this week.

new face.

to those who read my blog, by now you've probably noticed that i have (yet again!) changed its layout. yes, the Chronicles now has a new face. the reason behind the change? well, i just don't feel comfortable knowing that there are a lot of other bloggers out there using the same layout as i was. i know, i know. this is one of the standard layouts, namely minima lefty stretch. but i added a bit of a twist to it. i adjusted a few colors and... voila! i'm hoping it's different from every other blog you guys visit. i actually like this layout, it's very flexible. anyways, so there. there are a few additions and changes to The Chronicles of the Caffeinated. hope you guys like it. :)

murder by second sem.

i've just enlisted for my classes. i got my schedule too. i think i'm going to DIE. three classes straight for four and a half hours every t-th?!? five hours of Organic Chemistry every wednesday?!?! who crazy head fixed my sched?!! damn it. this you-can't-choose-your-own-time-and-teacher course is beginning to be not so nice anymore.

well, cheers to the new hell sem with the hell teachers and hell sched. hello starvation.

O_o

it's a lazy day today with the non-stop rain. i miss pingpong. i would play except it drips/floods in that area of the house. i thought the damn roof has been repaired. guess not. i've been watching television and movies instead. i've been on my back lying on various beds too. i don't want to get fat. i think i'm going to go play some computer game now. i'd rather do that then just lie down on some bed again. at least sitting down takes up some energy. rainy day = bad weather for those moments when you want to do some activity, good weather for those moments when you just want to sleep in. mmm... i'm experiencing both aspects.

sembreak

i'm loving every bit of it.

so far all i've done is play pingpong. that's it. play, sleep, and watch t.v./movies. i love it when some friends come over (may it be my friends or the friends of my brothers), they make the house all the more lively. along with mihali, i'm wishing that his sembreak would already arrive. unfortunately, his taste of freedom will still be on friday, the 26th. it's pretty near...but i'm wishing his sembreak is now. i plan to finally learn how to play the guitar this semestral break. i wonder if someone nice is willing to teach me? hmmm? anyways, i'm in the process of learning DotA - a computer game that a lot of people play. I've been hearing of it since a long time ago and it has always caught my curiosity. i just stayed away from it so that i wouldn't get distracted and let it affect my grades. but since i'm on break now, whoopee! i'm free to do whatever i please. hoorah for this break. i don't think i want classes to start. no matter how boring most days can be.

although i think i'm getting fat.

the team is currently in a tournament now -- october 19-22. it's the UP Interscholastic tournament. being held at the UP gym, i kind of find it inefficient, disorganized, and...well, not fit for such a big tournament. i'm wishing it was being held in our beloved gym instead. to think! we waited the WHOLE day for nothing, thinking we had some games to play. But NOOOO, the games were MOVED. to monday! wow. the whole day, spent waiting, what a waste. gah. anyways, i'm bushed. off to bed i go. 'til next time.

The last push, finale

wow. finally. the moment has arrived. i am free. i only took two finals for this semester, and they were both set on this day: hello history and chemistry. but it's ok. at least it's all done. done and gone. here's how i'm hoping things would turn out to be:

1. i'm hoping that my taking the history finals would be able to pull my B+ to an A.
2. i was able to maintain my B+ in chemistry by getting an 80/100 in my final exam (110 working points). ma'm said she might curve the grade a bit since, so far, the highest score is an 88. i'm hoping this curve will make magic and let me reach an A. long shot, but who cares? i want to dream.
3.i'm hoping that the SA21 ethnography paper we passed this morning would get an A so that my B+ class standing will also become an A.
4.i'm hoping that ma'm Terrado of my Chem 8 (lab) class will give me an A. I have good grades.
5. for the rest, i'm already set. Theo121 - A, ES10 - A. I have sure entry into the Dean's list. i'm just aiming for something higher than what i got last year. :)

i hope i hope i hope.
i passed by the chapel after my chem finals at around 6pm. i was with luis, a coursemate in that same class. it's been a while since i've been inside. being able to say thank you face to face was nice. i owe him bigtime.

Cheezy Pop!

congratulations to my parents who have been husband and wife for 19 years today.
you are the greatest parents in the whole wide universe.
thank you for making my so far 19 years of life meaningful and exploding with love.
i love you guys very much.
Happy Anniversary!

The last push, day one

today was good. it was pretty ok.
we finished the SA final paper. ran into some complications though, like our one and only incompetent groupmate who lacks a lot of initiative. but that aside, i think things are ok.

i found out that my current standing for ES10 is a B. pretty good and "high" for our ass-of-a-professor. makes for an exemption too. Also found out my class standing for SA21.

so here's my situation for this week:

• monday -- theo 121 - exempted = A
• tuesday -- no exam
• wednesday -- SA21 - optional = B+, Histo18 - optional = B+, Chem7 - must take = B+
• thursday -- ES10 - optional = B
• friday -- freedom

the only optional final exam that is risk free is my history. all the rest hold a risk that may pull down my current grade. scary. O_O i decided not to take my SA21 exam since that pre-final grade still does not include the final paper (which we just finished today). I think that final paper has the power to pull my grade up higher. I have a feeling i'm going to be taking the ES10 finals. i want to ba able to make it go higher. somebody told me that somebody told them that the finals is easy anyways. a bit of a long shot, but not if you study.

nevertheless, if i only did better than what i did this sem, i probably should be worrying only about Chemistry now. no use looking in the past though, can't bring back time anyways.

one down, a few more to go

i have five finals and one group project to do for this coming week:

monday:
-- theo 121 final exam
tuesday:
-- chem 7 final exam
wednesday:
-- SA 21
-- Histo 18 final exam
-- SA 21 final group paper
thursday:
-- ES10 final exam

one down
i got an A in my theo 121 class therefore i got exempted from the finals
^-^ yes, daddy be proud.

others to go
i'm still waiting for the other classes to release their prefinal grades. that's when i'll know if there are other exemptions (or options).

Chem 7: not going to make it. i'm just fighting for a B+. you need a 90+ to get exempted. i do not have that. O_o
SA 21: he's announcing it tomorrow. it was supposed to be today. but i guess our prof's just that inefficient.
Histo 18: my current standing is a B+. i have the option to take the exam. might as well take it to make it an A. it's risk free anyways. :D
ES 10: oh my teacher is an ass. i doubt he'll give out exemptions. grades are out. they're posted at the Manila Observatory in the Ateneo. Just found out. Will go look at it tom :) pero... asa pa ba ako?

As long as i don't get any C's or C+'s. i think i can still make the dean's list. wish me luck. and pray!

p.s. mosquitoes are biting the hell out of me.

hold on.

just a few more days.

chill.

i do not like being rushed. i hate settling for such mediocrity. it's called a groupwork. share. not everybody is as brilliant as you. we all work differently under pressure.

if you want it, fine. it's yours. take it.

tired.

i have been reduced to the individual who stays in school on a friday night, the whole of saturday, and possibly half-a-day of sunday. if not in school, i am at home. what am i doing? school work. the never ending pile of stuff to do.

i envy those people i see on my way home --
gallivanting, laughing, without a care for the world.

alright. that's it.

my body clock is out of whack
and so is my self-esteem.
swinging like a pendulum,
it's dropping like an atomic bomb.

-- there is so much to be done, i don't know why i am not doing anything.
-- damn you procrastination and lethargy.
-- i have better things to think about than mere emotional stress.
-- my two exams on friday, for example, and the three group projects due next week.

rant and crave.

i want new clothes and Vans.

i want new clothes and Vans.

second thoughts and thinking survival

i am having a hard time with the workload i receive in school. i know i'm not alone. almost all ateneans are having their rough and hell times. but in health sciences, i can't help but feel that the hardness of everything is magnified. it's tough now, and it will get even tougher. a lot of my batchmates are thinking of shifting. some are even shifting. a few will go to psychology, others to comm... i've also thought of shifting. i want to take information design. that was my second choice. and if i'm going to shift, i want to shift into that. but... i'm already in second year. one year has already passed of 1st level hell. a lot of the subjects i took in first year will not be credited if i shift. i'll be pushed back, i'll have to catch up. It's pretty much a hassle too. Plus i won't be with my blockmates and friends anymore.

What i'm going through now is 2nd level hell and i'm surviving. at times i think i'm doing good. most of the time...well, i'm settling for mediocrity. and, settling for mediocrity? that is not good. if i can't even make it here, if i'm already having a hard time now, what more in med school? will i survive then? i kind of want to have a life...not that i'm saying that doctors don't have a life. it's just that i think it's heading to that point. for a student in med, life kind of begins at 30 or even later. to be a doctor wasn't really my dream or passion. i was just really good with science and got good grades. i like the discovery factor of it all too. but what i really wanted to be was a pre-school teacher, or a flight attendant, or a model, photographer, artist, designer. i don't have to be a doctor in order to save lives. i can do so in other ways.

BUT, yes there is a but, i am not shifting. i am also finishing this course. hopefully, i'll finish it alive and well with a smile on my face. the thing is, if i really want to do something, i'll find a way to do it. what course you take in college doesn't really determine what job you'll be having for the rest of your life. it will help if it jives with the job requirement, yes, but most of the time, it doesn't really matter. i'll finish this course, and if i want to move on to medschool, sure. ASMPH here i come. But if after 2 and a half years, i finish this course and i decide not to go into medschool? i can either choose to study again, this time for a course that i think is more appropriate, or try getting a job i'd really like. if i really want to teach, i'll teach science. if i want to go around the world by being a flight attendant, all i need is height and foreign lang. Photographer, artist, designer -- there are a lot of ways to achieve this.

nobody and nothing can stop me, right? and you never know, maybe becoming a doctor really is my calling. i just might not feel it yet.

stupidity at its finest

i lost my phone today. tonight. right before going home. through a really really really stupid way. don't ask how. it's really stupid. so much for the previous post. this totally evens things out. once you go up, you must really come down. one way or another. i'm going to miss the contacts in that phone. especially those who i can only contact through that medium. those who i hardly see and possibly never meet again. why can't miracles happen to me?

dearest phone, we've been through a lot. i've pulled you out of a public toilet. please come back to me?

highlight

finally, a ray of light in this stress doomsday of a school.
today, my dearest readers, please allow me to rejoice and be happy and tell the world about this, i received the results of my third long test in Chemistry (a subject i'm not so fond of) and,
i got...
a...
PERFECT score.
yes, ladies and gentlemen, I, aneka crisostomo, got a perfect score in her third long test in Chemistry. 50/50. 100%. and I was the only one.

this is one big turn for me since for my first long test i got 28/45, and for my second long test i got 39/50.

Please be happy for me.
Thank you.
<3

one. big. fight.

boo. i'm so tired. today, even if only played one game against one of the best players of one of the top tabletennis teams which is UST, i am exhausted (uh, imagine me, a class C player going up against a class A player? she even defeated our number 2 O_o. my games were over before i even knew it). Cheering my teammates on takes a lot of energy. my throat really hurts now, and my arms too from waving them around. Most of the games were really dramatic and intense. i thought i was going to have a heart attack. every point counts and i want to be there with my teammates when they make each and every one of them. most of the games, instense and dramatic as i mentioned earlier, were really close games. unfortunately, we won none of them on an over-all. oh well, there's still tomorrow. THERE IS STILL ROUND TWO. i know we'll do better this time. we can make it and we will DO it. i believe in our team. we've trained hard for this.

anyways, i'm so tired. and exhausted. i have to be in school again tomorrow by six am. boo. raar. i have to study but being tired doesn't help. you can't study when you're tired. so there, i'm not studying when i know i'm supposed to be studying. BOO. maybe i'll just sleep. i need it anyways. NO! must. study. must. do. schoolwork. gah. oh no...help?

can i have your attention please!

wee! pray for me people. pray for us. pray for the team. thankee!

thursdays

usually i dread thursdays. hate thursdays. loathe thursdays. but today, a thursday, i found it pretty okay.

i started out working on my postlaboratory report (which was due today by the way) and was able to finish it before my first class. OoOoh my dreaded evil first class of the day is nothing else but ES10. it's not the subject or the topic that makes it evil, but the professor. i'm sorry, but i find him such an ass. seriously. even the most saintly person in my class is irritated, annoyed, and pissed off at him. he's that bad and evil. He's pretty much a bore too. so there, one hour and a half of the devil's class (time goes SUPER DUPER slow in his class. 10 minutes feel like an eternity), i take a trip to one of the computer labs in CTC to put the finishing touches on my postlab report and have it printed. yes, unfortunately something is wrong with our printer here at home. so that's 22 pesos out my pocket and into the school printer.

When all requirements were out of my hair, off to the caf i went with my friend (named franny) and her boyfriend (named alfie) for lunch. Luckily, my lunch is no longer hotdogs but something else! lately, i've been bringing food to school to cut down on my expenses. It is only on some days now that i buy rice or food. Most of the time, i just buy drinks: fruit shakes, iced tea, coke, and my all time fave iced coffee. so yeah, i'm cost cutting. and i think it's working too! anyways...

after lunch, franny and i went to the Blue Eagle gym to sign ROTC attendance (it's cool being an athlete). The weather today was extremely hot and humid. i was sticky all over. after signing, i went off to the library to borrow some books for dad. just two, nothing much nothing heavy. :) soon, it was time for L.A.B. hooooooooot. lab lab lab. sometimes lab can be annoying. especially when it comes to the reports. Procedure wise and hands-on experiments, all love. the experiments are actually fun to do, just a hassle to report on.

err. ok. i'm sleepy already...
the okayness kind of snagged in the morning, but otherwise, the overall day was pretty good. not bad for a thursday.

i love my mom

"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"

Maryknoll/Miriam's Grand Alumni Homecoming

Mother-daughter dance

must. not. procrastinate!!!

damn histo readings. so long!
roar.
i was hungry but now i'm full.
on the verge of vomiting.
nghhh.
i don't want to study naaaaa.
help?
do you want to lend me your brain?
huhuhu...
ok ok ok.
study na.
mercantilism, bullionism, the commercial revolution, Giorgio Vasari and renascita!
1% done, 99% to go.

the Lucksmiths - Greath Lengths

nurrr.

so many stuff to do, so many things to attend...

it seems as if i have no time to even rest. i miss my bed. even my sleep has to be scheduled. no more waking to the song of birds in the morning. no more waking to the sunshine that trickles through my windows... i miss that. i miss the rainbows my window panes would create on my walls and bed covers. those pretty little rainbows come around 8am if the sun is bright. i wish i could wake up on my own accord without any alarm jolting me out of my "nap" (i can't even call it sleep). on some days, i feel as if i haven't even woken up because my body so much wants to go back to sleep. extreme doses of coffee and chocolate don't do anything anymore. believe it or not, i have already experienced falling asleep while standing. and this is without me knowing it. i woke up to my left foot stomping the floor, apparently my body was falling to its left already. talk about fainting due to exhaustion and lack of sleep. good reflexes aneka, good reflexes.

i have been telling myself to take everything one at a time, one at a time. looking at my calendar and list of things to do, whew. it all seems super overwhelming. it is overwhelming. but i just keep on telling myself that i can do it. I CAN DO IT. i bet i even seem weird to others because i have to talk to myself out loud just to put my mantra into my head. the thing is, sometimes, i know what i have to do but i just can't seem to do it. like now, i am supposed to be doing my post laboratory report but i am too tired from training and the things i did today to make my brain work. it hurts. i even feel that i am getting sick. i forget to breathe so my head begins to hurt then before i know it, i feel like vomiting. the retching just wont stop. the pressure is attacking my subconscious. two more weeks before our UAAP week. just my luck, our UAAP weeks falls on my worse-than-hell week (i can't call it hell week anymore because it's hell all year round.) why must they torture us??? gah. oh well, again, I CAN DO THIS. ONE AT A TIME. time management. time management. oh time management my ass...i have been giving up my breaks just for the sake of studying and school work. sometimes i forget to even eat. most of the time, i don't have the time to eat. boo.

darn. i should stop procrastinating. i want those soft covers on my body and those feathers beneath my head.
i. want. sleep.
wish me luck.

so far so good

so far so good i've been doing okay. less mood swings, more smiles. i don't think i frown as much as i used to anymore or snap at anybody. damn those mood swings. there would be times that i'd think too much about something and that something would lead to me getting sad and worried but it's ok. i'm ok. i am doing ok.

things that i'm thankful for today:
1. i was able to hangout with mimi-0 after chem today
(even if it was just for a short while).
2. i got an A in my theo 121 LT number one
(oh think of the pressure off my chest!).
3. the surprise quiz in Chemistry didn't push through
(oh thank you Lord, i am still so confused).
4. training was fun and i feel that i'm getting somewhere
(even if it isn't so far).
5. i smiled and was happy
(i know that there are people who love me).
6. it's Bogs' bday today
(i love that huggable piece of you, you mr. i am watching you)
7. i had a somewhat dinner with my lovable teammates Lars & Vien
("somewhat" because i'm broke)

i told myself this morning that i would smile and be happy. i guess having mantras do work. thanks to all those who helped me lift my spirits once more. i'll be trying my best to keep this up.
let's all hope the stress doesn't do anything to screw this one around.

i am going to try

being happy.
yepyep! this whole month of august, i realized that i've been in some major mood swings. you can even call them being on the verge of depression maybe... i'd have bouts of extreme sadness, frustration, and loneliness. On some days, i felt like a complete total failure (a bit redundant, yes i know). A failure in all aspects of my life: academics, varsity, family, myself. i wanted to have something so much more, to excel in all things i do, but lately things have not been going my way. it must be the pressure getting to me. i'd go home extremely exhausted with this feeling of lack - a mix of emotions spelling out "i'm not good enough." and "there's something missing..." I'd slap myself sometimes, or bite myself in the hope that i'd wake up from the nightmare i was feeling. It was hard to even work up a smile. a genuine authentic true smile of happiness.

a few nights ago, i bawled out in front of my mom. i talked to her and let out all my frustrations and what i've been going through. She was kind enough to just listen and comfort me. People have been trying to put perspective in my life. my friends, my mom. they've been telling me to think of other things aside from the nightmare that has been playing on my mind. things like my blessings, what i have, what i should be thankful for. it's possible that i myself chose not to listen. i allowed those kind words to fall on deaf ears. But i shall be deaf no more.

i loved myself last night.
i love myself today.
and i shall be happy.

"smile!"

last night at Fazoli's Eastwood.
a night out with Hali and a few members of the team.

Thanks Hali for everything. I really had fun!
i love you <3

what to do now, i do not know.

you fill my chest with such strength it seems that you would burst me open. you beat, from the inside, always wanting to get out. i have to remind myself to breathe - inhale, exhale - just to keep you in. stay in tune. I turn my eyes to the ceiling, clutch my hands to my chest, and slowly release the tension buliding up within me. silent scream. loosen up...loosen up. i close my eyes to feel the air around me, the static and heat of the sun or the cool wind and wet spray of rain. whichever. tune out. think things over. what is it that i want? what is it that i want? let go. i want to let go. relaxed and a bit numb my lips move with such freedom. they move in a way i did not think possible. slowly carefully they open and close. i don't hear anything but each time it reveals a part of my soul, my inside, myself. revealing things that are not exactly supposed to be revealed. my inner thoughts my inner dreams my eternal wants my deep desires. my mind races. thinking of ways to make you stop. halt. enough. but you wouldn't. you wouldn't let me be. it seemed like an eternity. drained and unsure, i turn and walk away. in silence... the beating stopped. nothing pounds within my chest. you found your way out. and now the world knows about it.
and i remain
naked.

24 hours, day in & day out, we are together.

i love my teammates and i can't seem to get enough of them.
i love you guys!
fight! fight!

(here's a short post because i am so tired from hanging out with you from yesterday 'til tonight nonstop.)

Today you turn 17.

{6:30 am}
I often wonder what life would have been with you around. About now, i guess, i would be waking you up from your slumber while greeting you a sweet happy birthday. You'd probably be the next one to use the bathroom after me, before Juancho, before Hali. Being the kuya that you are, you'd be the first one ready. Of course, i'd still be taking my time as usual, deciding on what to wear. You would be one of those i'd ask for advice. You'd always hear the question "how do I look?" and you'd answer it all the time. Going to school, you would be the one driving. No matter how much mom and dad would want me to be the one driving. No. That's right. You would be the one driving. You're in senior year now, and you'll drop me off at the college before you and Hali head to the high school grounds. This time of the month, you're preparing for your college entrance tests. You already took your UPCAT, you're waiting for the ACET which is in September. You're probably also part of a varsity. If it's table tennis, i'm not sure. But definitely, you'd be a student-athlete. You would be getting great grades, maybe be a B-boy. I would be teasing you about the girls you like. Oh! you might even have a girlfriend. The girl you brought to prom, the girl you'll bring to ball.

{9:15 pm}
There are so many things i think of when i think of you...of what could've been. I know you were only on this Earth for two days, and i was what? two years old? supposedly too young to remember. But i can't help but feel that something's lacking. You were already a part of my heart. There was a space put up just for you. But i wasn't able to fill that space up with you, so now, it's just...empty space. There are many a nights that I miss you. I wonder where you are, how you are. I often ask that you show yourself to me, let me know that you're there, just like you used to when we were kids. And i'd cry myself to sleep, not knowing if you heard me.

This morning in the cafeteria, i couldn't study. i couldn't read what i was reading. i had you on my mind. and i had to constantly stop myself from crying. Mom suggested that i sing a Happy Birthday. i tried. i couldn't get past "birthday"... i had a knot in my throat and got teary-eyed. But later in the day, i felt much better. I still had a bit of trouble concentrating at some points but i got through it. I think i became a bit bitchy though as a defense mechanism to ward off the sadness. Then during training, we celebrated the birthday of one of our teammates (his real bday was yesterday but we bought him a cake today). We all sang a Happy Birthday and had cake. I couldn't help but think...

hey, we're all singing for you too.
Have a happy birthday Mario Raphael, i love you too.
<3

dancedancedance

The only major thing that i did today was to go with mom to her jubilarian homecoming dance practice at the roofdeck of FBR arcade. it's a mother-daughter dance thing, so yeah, i danced. There will be more practices, i'm sure. Today was just the first and homecoming is still in September.

Being there was fun and funny at the same time. Turns out i'm the oldest daughter there. Next in line is a second year high school girl named Denise. So there i am dancing to the music of Pussy Cat Dolls with little girls shaking their booties. "loosen up my buttons, babe..." Oh they were so cute, following the choreographer and all...giggling while we did the "body language" step. They even practiced on their own on the side while the mothers did their thing.

Being there reminded me of my love for dancing.

OoOoh now i just want to shake my boo-tay!

the Sea got wet

today the sea got wet and the trees washed their hair.

It has been raining on and off (more of "on") the whole day today and it wasn't just some rainy passing, i think it's a storm. The trees were dancing... and the sky's still crying. i wonder if there will be class tomorrow? this time i want to wake up with something to look forward to. i'm hoping that's having classes cancelled. i need a rest. and now's the best time to cuddle up beneath a soft blanket and listen to the sky's lullaby sing you to sleep.

this moodswing is taking longer than expected.
i'm kind of thankful for the Sea got wet.
i get to dry the leaves with the heat of my stare
and kiss the frosty air.

maybe i just don't want to be alone

i am having mood swings and i am not liking it.
i am super happy at one moment, than out of nowhere, i crash. i crash so badly i can't erase the frown on my forehead nor breathe out the heaviness of my heart. i snap when somebody talks to me, i feel irritated. like an itch creeps all over my skin in a wave sending me into shivers of disgust. i always thought that my happy moments were true happy moments, that the smiles i radiate are genuine and real, that the giggles i slip out are due to authentic ecstatic emotions. maybe they are... but thinking about it now?
maybe I'm just too tired of putting up a facade.

a note to you before i sleep

~"would it be weird if i said thank you for sharing a part of yourself with me?"
"i dunno. i guess it makes you a bit more real to me."

thank you, stranger, for allowing me.

Something Quite Befitting

hello

i must stop procrastinating.
it's not good for my health,
and my studies.
i may have bad time management.
an itch i can't quite scratch.
i'm hungry.
i will get some food.
it's monday yet again.
boo.

I Want to Go Bowling.

~

a new leaf shall be turned

i have realized that i have not updated this blog for so long.
it's just that lately, i have not felt the urge to write, hence the absence, and i feel that i have lost my touch for writing about things that are worth writing about. looking back at my old entries, it seems to me that i was a bit more enlightened on life than i am now. i saw everything as an opportunity to write and i was happy because it made me reflect more on my everyday existence. why that went away, i do not know. Sometimes i wonder, is it because i am so entrapped with the whirls and zooms of life that i skip out on every little thing that is beautiful? or am i just too stressed to enjoy something happy that comes my way? or maybe i'm just becoming stupid. (that's a sad thought. hopefully it's not the latter.) So here, here is an attempt to redeem what i have lost. Hopefully my insights about life will reveal themselves in my commitment to write as often as i can, whenever i can. Maybe weekends will be the high point since on weekends i find myself lethargic enough to ditch schoolwork for something on the net or on the bed. I sleep my weekends away hoping it will make up for whatever was lost in the previous week and whatever will be needed this coming week. Sad but true, i think i have lost the time to sleep.

So before i turn to hell, because lethargy is the devil and procrastination is the angel of death, i just wanted you guys to know that there will be something more to look forward to whenever you open this page. Hopefully it will be like it used to be, more than just birthday greetings and quick round-up updates on what has been happening to me.

Here's my new addiction, read it. Plusplus for music lovers, those who appreciate smartassery, and those whiling time away. enjoy.

update

things are starting to get on a roll now. more school work is popping up and well, there are a lot more of stuff to attend to. Aunt Gigi and Uncle Ted have been great company, patiently waiting for Hali and me to get home from school (which isn't exactly easy since we come home at around 8-10pm). I'd really love to spend more time with them but school has just taken the wheel (as well as the accelerator!). Today, in fact, we just came from Antips. We had lunch there, a great feast with lechon from Cebu, and spent some time looking at the numerous pictures we had kept. memories, memories... the babies don't look like babies anymore. Anyways, i didn't mean to do this, but i took a nap. a really looooong nap. i practically slept the whole time we were there. must have been from exhaustion due to school or something. anyways, i tried (sorry uncle Ted).

Our guests have been getting around quite well anyways. With the aid of Auntie Chari and Uncle Jimmy, as well as their other friends. They've been to Tagaytay, Greenhills, Eastwood, U.P. and a number of other places. They've done the shopping experience too. They've eaten street food, other food that you can't exactly get in the States, and savored the good taste of San Miguel Beer (especially Uncle Teddy). I know some time this week they're planning to go to Boracay or Puerto Galera. For more updates you can check out Uncle Ted's multiply account. He has pictures and videos there about practically everything they have done since they landed. And oh! oh! I shouldn't forget this, this is the best news for today:
Uncle Teddy drove to Antipolo and back. Yes, he drove today through the Philippine busy city streets. He braved them and got through with them so now we are back safe and sound at home. :)

that's all for today.
i hafta go do my homework now.

fireflies, bikes, and theology

Dad -- my light in times of darkness, my drive and my motivation, my guide in living life.

I am truly blessed to have such a great dad. To have an amazing man look after me and protect me form all the harm in the world, to have someone guide and love me for all that i am.

A lot of people know my father, and most of them admire and respect him for who he is. He is a multi-talented man, one blessed with so many gifts. He's fun, funny, loving, and understanding... Smart, wise, and witty -- what's there not to be admired, right? Some students say he's scary, intimidating, a terror teacher. I just don't see it that way, they're probably just blown off by his immense greatness or too lazy to get up to his high level of thinking.

When asked if i am in any way related to Mr. Crisostomo, the Theology121 prof, i proudly answer "yeah!" then with a teasing grin on my face, I add: "he's my father."

i love you dad.

Happy Father's Day. :)

home is where the heart is

there are those kinds of people who love to go out. to party, to spend their time out of their house. for them, that's their relaxation method. for me though, it's been kind of different. you'd expect, for a student like me, to want to get out and spend every moment of summer doing whatever i can: go to the beach, party, go out of town... yes, i do want to do these things but i decided not to. you see, i miss my home. i miss being home. when there's school, all you're thinking of is school. because of all the requirements, i'd rather live in school! then you have the block outings, the block meals (lunch, dinner, after dinner stuff), the block movies... there's actually enough time on weekends to do the partying your friends require. sometimes even after classes. then of course, there's the block study group too. come school time, it's mostly school stuff going on -- academic and non-academic.

for this summer, which is about to end come tomorrow, my bones craved to be just at home. i deliberately found ways not to go out (sorry to those who wanted me to go out) and only attended to the things that were required of me or to those that i really really wanted to do. I was actually kind of thankful that i got sick, that gave me a credible reason to stay home. and! i was already broke when summer began so what's the use of going out, right? anyways, i spend enough time with my friends in school. so why do i have to spend time with them now right? home. HOME is where i want to be.

The great thing is, today, my uncle Ted is coming back home. He's finally come back home! i've missed him so much and he's finally back home. :) it's been so looooong. he's finally finally back. Another beautiful thing is, Auntie Gigi is with him. i'm so excited! oh wait, they're here! gotta go.

whew!

okay. i solved the irritating thing. thanks to my youngest brother who thought of a possible solution. thanks juancho. anyways, i decided to keep the header that way. no picture, less words. :) i kinda think i like it that way. oh! and i have something new. a new blog. hehe. i'll still be updating this one. don't worry, but i've got another one too. i just felt like making another one. that's all. kk? okay.

-- bottom line is, the irritating thing is gone. yipee!

argh.

i'm pissed because i can't get that swirly thing out of my header. the "remove image" wouldn't work. so now i have to make do with what i have and work around it. i'm so inis. hay nako. i hope my blog doesn't look ugly now.

-- irritating thing.

-- the "remove image" is supposed to work!

i'm considering making a new blog. you know how OC i can get sometimes. but i'm nang hihinayang with all that i have here already. what do you guys think? i'm sad. :(

i wanted this picture up there pa naman instead.

Do You Love Me?

To my dearest Mother,

So many times I’ve written this in little notes to you, I’ve whispered this in sincere sentences for you to hear…from the day I was born up to this moment wherein I type…
I’ve said it out loud, and I’ve said it to myself. I’ve told the whole world, and I know - I KNOW - there’s no need to repeat myself. But mom, because you are my mother and I understand how wonderful it is to hear these words over and over again, I shall say (write) them again. I. LOVE. YOU. Mom, you are the greatest most special and beautiful.

Stop asking silly questions. You and I both know that you already know the answers.

wala kayo sa lolo ko.

ilang beses na ba natin narinig ang pangungusap na iyan?
pagalingan, patigasan, patagalan... "sino ba mas magaling? lolo mo o lolo ko?!"
sobrang karaniwan na nga ng usapang iyan na kahit sa telebisyon, ginagamit na bilang patawa. parte na rin sigro ito ng kultura natin.

pero teka, kung ako ang tatanungin ninyo...

talong-talo na kayo.
wala ata kayo sa lolo ko.

matalino na nga, gwapo pa. nakapagpalaki pa siya ng siyam na bata. ang ganda pa ng napili niyang lola!


sa araw na ito, ipinagdiriwang natin ang kaarawan ng aking Lolo.


Happy Birthday po Lolo Mario!
mahal na mahal ko po kayo.

juancho

the years have gone by so fast and i never thought that this day would come so soon.
today, my dear brother, you turn 13.

i have always seen a part of myself in you. especially in the way we share our like for art, as well as our "i'm not so sporty" line. i see that we're both o.c. when it comes to certain things, like keeping our personal space organized and neat. we're both particular when it comes to our wardrobe, i notice that we like the same shoes and that i always ask for your fashion opinion whenever i'm at a loss as to what to wear. we've both got round calluses on our right hand ring fingers. i think we've used them too much. we're both impatient and hot headed. there's no denying that. you like some of my things, i like some of yours. we share...or fight over it. we always reach a compromise.

But you've never walked in my shadow. that i know. because you've created an identity of your own. i remember you used to imitate the content of my ancient sketchpads. but now you've developed your own style of drawing. a style, ehem, that i am very very very proud of. you've shown me so many new things. i'm stuck in the world of traditional drawing, whereas you've been doing digital for quite some time now. you taught me how to make animations. you told me to explore the computer. it is you teaching me this time. i. follow. you. Know, my little brother, that i am a fan of your creativity. your mind bursts with imagination that makes everything so interesting. you have gone farther into the art world than i ever had. in a way, you are fulfilling whatever i was lacking. you are carrying on my dream. i too, envy you.

thirteen is a new world my baby brother. and puberty can be sometimes tricky. don't let those hormones get to you so much. they'll be there for quite some time. be the best that you can be. i know you'll make me proud.

Happy Birthday. i love you.

you know that, right?

Today's Advice

a friend of mine once gave me this from papelmelroti. The instructions are: close your eyes (no cheating), point at this poster and follow the advice your finger lands on. Today my pointer landed on: be responsible for your actions. and can i just say, my day was full of being responsible.

first and foremost, it was my registration. Reg can sometimes be a hassle for me because i have to take so many forms into consideration. there are a lot of requirements to be met and a lot of deadlines to remember. i'm different from most of the students because...well, i'm a scholar and admu dependent. I have two things to take care of: my OAA scholarship forms and my Grant-in-Aid forms for dad's discount. I got through the OAA isko procedures fine...but I forgot about my Grant-in-Aid forms. I did. So so so bad. Good thing is, the people in the OAA office (especially ate Tin) were so kind enough to consider it already. So, i had nothing to pay for! now i just have to get those forms ready and in.

second thing is, i finally got my physics lab grade (which is a B+) so my grades are finally complete. I computed for my QPI and guess what? I got a 3.41 for second sem!!! i am so happy (i got a 3.36 last sem). i really thought that i would be getting a lower grade this time considering i had calculus and physics to deal with...but i guess it all worked out! all my hardwork payed off. and now i'm still in the dean's list! hoorah.

third: right when i got home, i ran into my parents at the gate (i wasn't even able to set foot in my house) and my dad asked me to go with my mom to Rizal Memorial Stadium in Vito Cruz. That was where Hali was having his Table Tennis games. My mom was on her way out to watch and dad was going to take her to the LRT station. I guess he was worried that mom would get lost so he asked me to go with her. Funny right? anyway, I said ok. I only know Line 2 of the LRT because it's near the area. i'm not so familiar with Line 1, the same for mom. The thing is, Line 1 is the train we need to take to the Vito Cruz. So dad gave me directions and i followed the signs, mom asked for some directions once in a while (just to be sure)...and well? mom and i got there safe and sound. yipee. now i know how to get around *winkwink* there's no trapping me now. haha.

so you see? my day was full of being responsible and i am proud that i got through it! I'm pretty sure there will be more days bursting with the need for responsibility...i'm just glad to know i have a bit of R to face them. ;)

april fools

well, today is april fool's day and i had a great time. we didn't go fooling around. no we didn't. but we did go to Tagaytay instead. i went with my Uncle Jimmy, Aunt Chari, my two cousins Erica and Julia, and my brother Juancho. we just went there for a day trip, a joy ride, a meal. haha. yeah...we just ate and drove around. but it was loads of fun. especially when you get to spend time with people you haven't seen in a long time. but most of all, it was really nice to be able to catch up with one of my most loved people - erica. that just made my day.

erica, thanks so much for missing me and for taking me out. thanks for sharing stuff with me. i missed that too. :)

the middle child

the middle child is the one that stands out. the one that differs from the rest. especially in a child count of three. yes, we are three. and i am the eldest.

The middle child: the one who's as popular as hell. who everybody knows. the one who everybody loves. and i mean everybody. the one who's into the sports instead of the arts. (well, before. now he's into theatre and varsity table tennis.) the god of sports as i sometimes call him. better yet, the king of extra-curricular. the one who can relate best to the youngest child. the one the youngest child loves to play with. the one who's growing up to be dad junior. and mom junior as well. (carbon copy, as they say.) he's one of the two who'll carry out our family's name. the one who's strong. and never got confined. the one who's determined. and biked to tagaytay, mt. maarat, antipolo... the one who doesn't get mad so easily. but bursts out in the end. the one who's charming. and can get anyone to do anything. simply because he asked. (sometimes, he doesn't even have to ask.) the one who i love. i really really love. but doesn't believe that i love. the one who i try to reach out to. i really really try to reach out to. but closes the door when i try to. the one i long to cuddle with. but end up playing wrestling with. the one i want to snuggle with. but doesn't take it seriously and i get irritated instead. the one i want to impress. but can't seem to do so. the one i want to love me back. he says he does. but sometimes i just don't feel it so.

i love my brother very very very much. and today he turns 15. He no longer is the little boy i get to so easily please. he no longer is the little boy i get to hug, kiss, and squeeze. He's all grown up now. a boy in his prime. i wonder, will he need his older sister this time?

i am very very very proud of you Mihali. for all that you have ever accomplished. for all that you ever are. I love you to the highest power. and i hope that you would know this. because you are perfect the way you are.

Happy Birthday little brother. :)

padre-de-familia

Half of my being is made up of my beloved father.

23 of my chromosomes come from him. One of my x chromosomes, the chromosome that decides my sex, is from him too. So literally, he's half of me. But aside from all the scientific mumbo-gumbo! Looking in the mirror, i see so much of him in me...

My hair, oh yes my hair, is mainly because of him. And so is my height and my uncanny inability to do the arm-jumprope that my mother and brothers can so easily do. My toes are definitely from him. They are distinctly different from my brothers' toes. My legs, my ability to gain weight, my crouching habit...all from him. Past the skin, i know that he has influenced me even deeper. I absolutely love watching kung-fu movies, the same goes for old cow-boy movies (The good, the bad, and the ugly = the best!). I also have a liking, or craving, towards chinese food. (e.g. mamonluk and chowking) Actually, most of what I eat is influenced by him. I like what he eats. I also have a ballpen fetish...just like him. He has so much as influenced me to like biking and table tennis as well. And as you know, i am not really into sports. I guess he has also triggered the inner-environmentalist in me. With the firefly brigade and all. My love for chuck taylors is definitely his fault. He dressed me up in them since i was a wee kid. Well, him and mom...but mostly him.

I owe so much to my father. For loving me always and for supporting me in whatever I do. For making me laugh and for making me smile. For teaching me to think, for pushing me further, and for testing my limits. I have learned so much from him...and i am still learning. I want to be like him. I want to be his strong, opinionated, deep, makata self. I love him so much.

My father has seeped deep into my skin. He is my skin.

Happy Birthday Dad.
You are and will always be the best dad in the whole wide universe.
Thank you for being just that.

buhay pa ako.

sa umagang ito, gigising siya muli. hindi sa kaniyang pagtulog, kundi sa katotohanan. tapos na ang mga araw ng pagsasaya. oo, tapos na. nakapagpahinga, este nakahinga nang maluwag, na siya (ang paglabas ay hindi kasama sa pahinga. pahinga ang paghiga sa kama buong araw nang walang ginagawa kundi kumain lamang kung kailangan). isa't kalahating araw ng paghinga nang maluwag, mahaba na iyon. oo, mahaba na iyon. kailangan na niyang bumalik sa katotohanan. sa realidad. kailangan na niyang magtrabaho muli. hay nako. kakayanin kaya niya ito? oo. kakayanin niya ito. aba, dapat lang.

lahat ng tao kailangan ang magpahinga. kailangang makaranas ng kahit konting saya. kahit panandalian lamang. upang makalimot, makahinga, makaranas ng buhay. oo, buhay.

frisbee!

Today i played frisbee.

I've always wanted to play frisbee. Especially with my friends. But they hold it every tuesday and thursday and i can't get to play because i have class at that time. Today was different though because i no longer have p.e. classes. Yesterday was my finals and now i have tuesday and thursday mornings off. Yipee! Now i get to play.

In the beginning i was afraid. I agreed to play but didn't really want to have anything to do with the game. Simply because i didn't know how. I would run around, fine. Run and run in the direction that i was supposed to run. But i was too scared to catch the disk or even throw it. I didn't want to touch it. I guess it was also because i didn't want to let the others down. I didn't want to be the reason of our defeat. But i guess, by not participating, i was doing the same thing. It's a good thing i had great teammates who encouraged me to play the game. They told me not to be afraid. They told me to try. They assured me it was okay to make a mistake. So aside from the burning heat of the sun on my skin and the burning heat in my lungs due to lack of oxygen, i still had to psyche myself to try. try, aneka, try. I didn't want to give up.

Bottom line is, i eventually built up the guts to try. I was no longer afraid to catch the disk or even throw it. Though i still believe there is a bit of hesitation, at least i began trying. Imagine this, i was able to catch one of the passes that scored. oh yes, i helped in making a score. and i am so proud.

Life is like the game. You just have to build up the guts to keep trying. Make a mistake? Make up for it the second time around. Being afraid or "safe" is the worst thing you can do to stay in the game. In fact, when you're afraid, you're not even playing. Surrounding yourself with good company is key in living a good life, the same way having good teammates is key in winning a game.

Our team won today. We were down by 4 points but we made it.
We. Made. It.

I want to win another game.
I want to win at life.

finding myself

these past few days in school, we've done nothing but reflect. English class, Filipino class...even Intact! my god. It's been an exploration of nothing else but self. Don't get me wrong or anything. I actually do want to find myself - to understand who i really am. But sometimes, these things can be a little bit frustrating...especially if what you learn isn't so clear after all. The good thing is that what i learned about myself is, let's put it this way, nothing really new. I knew these things about me even from before.

i just never stated them out loud.

my conclusion:
1. i still hold some insecurities which, if i remember correctly, began in grade school.
2. i am an extrovert.
3. i am a people person.
4. there are still some things about me that people don't know about. (i'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing)

Why Valentine's Day is a VERY special day

1) it's my mother's birthday
2) it's my auntie Charissa's birthday
3) it's my bestest friend Ina's birthday

I don't really celebrate Valentine's day, I celebrate their birthdays instead!

Happy birthday guys! I love you all very very very much.

me being dragon

my english teacher made us do a free write...
but she told us what to write.
"If you were to live your life as an animal, what would it be?"
she says.
well, if that's what she wants,
this is what i've got:


I rise above the clouds with my mighty wings. My ruby scales glint under the morning sun like embers, reflecting little rainbows into the sky. The wind is strong against my face as I weave through the feathery wisps of white above the vast sea of green. My strong tail whips along as I gracefully soar through the heavens. Today is the day I feast and I am starving. I start by scanning the vast sea of green for signs of little heat, of little pattering feet amongst the fallen leaves, for my meal though delicious is small. I have no ordinary eyes for my emerald green eyes are sharper than that of the blade of a king’s sword, sharper than that of the greatest eagle’s eyes. My vision is clearer than the most prized crystal. I need not scour the grounds up close for I can magnify anything I wish. But I am wise, and I know that vision is not enough. I attune my sensitive ears to the squeaking of my meal and my nostrils to its distinct scent. I could use my magic, but hunting this way is much more fun… There! There it is! A family of sweet looking field mice is traversing through the golden patties. Without hesitation, I dive. I dive headlong into the waves of gold, my talons glinting in the sun, ready to strike. I am starving, and I am ready to have my meal. I give out an earsplitting shriek of delight and in a fraction of a second I have my prey. Effortless…simply effortless. My victim tries to wriggle free from my clasp, but to no avail. I levitate into the sky once more, bringing my meal with me. As I reach the clouds, I toss the little things into the air and snap them into my mouth. Scrumptious little things…I take them in with just one gulp. And I am satisfied. I turn to continue soaring through the clouds, my massive ruby wings beating the wind. The afternoon air is cool on my face and I feel it slip through back to the very tip of my tail. I let out a powerful breath of fire as I see the setting sun. The sun is my strength and I gratefully pay homage. Alas it is time for me to retire, and I return to my beautiful lair at the peak of the most majestic mountain. I have the most breathtaking cave in the whole of this land. It is studded with gems of all kinds…diamonds glisten on the walls while opals hang from the ceiling and towers of rubies and topaz rise from the ground. The sound of falling water resonates all throughout my cave for within it runs the clearest healing waterfall. I take my place by the waterfall and its cooling mist rejuvenates my magnificence.

her comment: "Are you a fabulosa & grandiosa dragon?"
my answer? Yes, oh, yes i am.