Down Time

After those more-than-hell-than-need-be stress induced weeks of deadlines and optional finals, I can finally rest.

Sembreak is well on its way for me now. With the mellow tournament-slash-sem-ender inuman with some people from the team last wednesday night, it has been good. Since that last late night, I've been trying to get some z's early on in the evening and sleeping in 'til the late morning. Knowing that this isn't really a healthy lifestyle, with the eat-sleep-gain-weight pattern and all, I plan to get back to running (or jogging, that is). Ever since I joined varsity, I have lost my connection with running. I plan to reconnect with my runner self this sembreak. Hopefully I don't get too lazy to actually push through with it. Haha! Lazy days are good days.

Click the photo below for some senior year first semester success!
*October 27, 2009 edit
Here's my 2nd sem senior sched to boot! Hell~o 7:30am classes every single day!

Trying to Understand You

This week has been a sorting of sorts:
from relief goods -- biscuits, noodles, canned goods, water, repeat order,
to the use of my time -- acads, varsity, the country via relief centers,
to my interview data -- see photo.

The Coding Process

So much has happened in the 18 days that I had ceased to write. I don't think I can put all into this one entry, detailed and said with feelings. So I guess I'll leave the more in depth writing for another time and provide you with an update (of sorts).

1) I am swamped with deadlines and academic requirements. I'm so swamped, it's scaring me to death just looking at my planner.

2) Something really sad passed through our country just recently. September 26, 2009 Typhoon Ondoy (Ketsana), in just one day of rainfall, left Metro Manila and surrounding areas looking like a river/lake/body of brown murky stinky water. A lot of lives were lost, a lot of homes disappeared. Just watching the news made me so devastated. One good thing that came out of this is the bayanihan of the Filipino people. You should see how we, a country of so little, pooled together so much for the benefit of others.

3) Torn between my academics and my duty as a human being to help others in need, I spent my accidental one week vacation (classes were suspended due to Ondoy's aftermath and the coming of Super Typhoon Pepeng/Parma) trying to get through my academics in the hopes that I'd sum up enough time to help out in the relief centers. The one day that I was able to spend at Ateneo packing relief goods was the one day I decided to forget about all my deadlines. Apparently, I can't just easily throw those deadlines aside as that one day of helping didn't happen again. But oh know so much that I was thinking about it the whole time. It has been so hard concentrating.

4) Thursday: October 1, 2009. The end of my last UAAP season in table tennis. It was a great season, may I say. I finally won some games. We played all heart, and landed 4th place. Almost but not quite. Nevertheless, I leave with no regrets. I'm proud of how our team that is composed of players 1/2 recruited from college P.E., can compete at such a level. I love my team! Check out fabilioh.com for some action shots.

5) Classes resume tomorrow, and although finals are cancelled... I still have requirements to pass since I'd like to up my current class standings a bit. So yeah... it'll pretty much be back to the daily grind.

And though my house and family were hardly affected by the storms, I still don't think I'll ever forget the devastation it brought our country. May God bless us and give us the strength to face our endeavours, no matter how small or big they are.

Pepsi-Cola Saturday

Time to focus on some positivity.

What I got free today:
1) Two chocolate sundaes, on diff occasions! (thank you Justin & Ricasio)
2) Lunch at KFC (thank you Ricasio, best team manager)
3) Caramel bars from Max's (thank you Tita, Kai's momma)
4) Group bear hugs (thank you Kai, Eu-j, Nikki, Justin)
5) Bus fare to and from Dasmarinas, Cavite (thank you Ateneo)
6) A ride home from Cubao bus station (thank you Justin!)

Our team attended the 1st Pepsi-Cola Table Tennis tournament at Robinson's Place Dasmarinas, Cavite today and so I had to wake up at 4am just to get to the bus terminal by 5:30 this morning. I've been there once, Dasma, I mean. I knew it was going to be an extremely long day. Bus rides and traffic really make for long days. We only joined the team event and I was put in to play doubles. Unfortunately, our matches never lasted 'til the doubles set. Yes, I was not able to play...at all! Haha! Oh well, moral support ftw!

On a side note, I have to learn to listen to myself when I tell myself to stop.

I'm writing myself secret letters

I guess my first day of class would've been a bit more lively if I had seen some beloved familiar faces who I've missed a lot over the summer. The two classes I had today were core subjects, meaning I was a stranger in a sea of semi-strangers. Being a shiftee made me a bit of a loner. Not that it's something I loathe. I'm fine. Just a bit lonely... or antisocial. Whichever, I'm missing the company of certain people.

I've got blisters on my feet from varsity training this eve. It's painful to walk. I take it as a sign I have to get used to the run of things now that school's back on, and fast.

Woah

First day of class and I am SOOOOOO tired already. I ache all over thank you very much second semester of school year 2008 to 2009.

My body has yet to get used to waking up early.
My brain has yet to get used to thinking in study mode.
My energy has yet to adjust to a super whole day sched.
Speaking of schedules, don't talk to me on a thursday. It's my hell day.

Now for some other things.

If guys in table tennis were this hot, I think I'd be a tad bit more enthusiastic about going to training and other competitions.
Wouldn't you agree?

Game Fez

After one whole week, the Vicente Hao Chin, Sr. Memorial Cup 7th National Inter-Scholastic Table Tennis Championships finally came to a close yesterday night. It was a nerve-wrecking, jugular-popping, heart-stopping experience from emceeing the ceremonies, printing out certificates, writing as a ghost-writer, counting prizes, counting scores, and playing our hearts out. And as much as I'd like to say I'm done and over with it (all this stress), just like how my other teammates are probably so happy and relieved about, I can't.

For some insane reason I was left to make the souvenir program. The souvenir program is something that is ideally given at the start of the event, something like a playbill you can buy before watching the play. But since this souvenir thing is to be given out two weeks after the event, I suppose it's something more like a scrapbook. A scrapbook that looks like a playbill. I'm supposed to have two people helping me, if what I remember is correct. But one is in Batangas and the other in Kalinga. I don't know. I guess I'm alone.

So yeah, here I am on break but stressing like I've got some major project breathing down my neck.

I just keep on reminding myself that I have at least one thing to be happy about: our team (Ateneo team B composed of Aneka, Ice, Iya, and Kim) won third place in the Women's Team event. No medal, but we've got a trophy!

photos by Analyn Yap

Eeeeeh

On to the last day of UAAP season 71 Table Tennis Tournament,
which is tomorrow,
I'm torn between
1) quitting the team next year to focus on academics and
2) staying on 'til graduation so that I can do some major a** whipping next uaap season.

Hmmmmm...

Winning our match against La Salle today was great despite the fact that I went up against their number 1 who is part of the Philippine Team and lost like a small fry would against a big fish. Doesn't matter, doesn't matter. We still won (despite that specific match of mine). It's the team effort that counts! Note to self: must kick UP & NU bum tomorrow. If not, cheer the air out of my lungs for the team!

Aren't we the cutest?

Here it comes, Yet again

So before I get off this lazy bum of mine to go wash my dishes and Tupperware, and then myself of dirt grime and sweat, I would just like to say:

"Here we go again you damn whirlwind of stress!"

As August comes to an end, the September calendar of my planner already has things lined up. In fact, I'll be starting next month with a bang! September 1 is my second Physiological Psychology long test on brain structures and function, sensory-motor systems, blah blah blah blah. I can only ensure you that it's an event of precise information overload. September is also the following:

• the month of our UAAP season,
  
• the month wherein I have to clean toilets for two Sundays six hours each,
• the month full of final project deadlines for the various subjects I have.

Mind you though, August ends with a great big bang as well. Tomorrow is our mock defense for Experimental Psychology class and I have to be in school by 7am. I have yet to prepare for this. I have training right after that class up until 6pm. Sunday too, we have tune-up games. And in my quote unquote free time this weekend, I'll be doing the laundry whilst trying my best to study for that long test I have on Monday.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy.

But! As always, I must think positively. Hence, here are the highlights of today:

• I cooked my own lunch to bring to school and it was delicious.
• I recited in my Philosophy class, somewhat.
  
• I passed my Statistics homework early.
• I got Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being from Lars, with love.

And here is the blog worthy note that came with it.

It made my heart warm and fuzzy, like I'm glad to be alive.

And I Did.

Last Saturday, July 26 2008, these people came over to surprise me a belated Happy Birthday.

Drowning in papers to write, tests to study for, and deadlines to meet, I was blessed with a moment to take a break. And I did.

Even though it only lasted for a few hours (about 2), and even though my papers were still nagging at the back of my mind (hence my returning to my room once in a while. See the grit-teeth smile?)...

the pizza was great, the pancit was great, the timing was great, everything was just perfect.
This one was well planned.

I was really surprised.
I did not expect this.
I did not sense that something was up.

Who knew that a birthday could last all week long?

Thank you to all those who made my 20th birthday really special.
It's been one surprise after the other.

The Mastermind Mihali
with his little helpers, Kim & Jum.

Step-up

My coach just told me, about an hour or so ago, that I have to step-up more. According to him, I still have to get thinner, lose weight. Step-up he says, "step-up ka pa". I wonder, if I step-up as an athlete can I still step-up as a student? It's hard enough already right now just getting my lazy bum to manage time properly. What more if I actually do step-up?

Is all this worth it?

What in the world did I get myself into??? AAAAHHH!!!
*flail*

~*~

5:30am training tomorrow but I'm gonna go plug some music in my ears and study for the quiz I've got for experimental psychology class. Lucky me if I get to get 5 hours of sleep.

I want to know that You care.

So. Right now, I'm supposed to be preparing for my classes tomorrow. Emphasis on "supposed to be". That's right. I'm not doing it. As usual, I'm in my state of procrastination. I've been planning to get on the preparing for tomorrow part but other things just grab my attention and I end up getting sidetracked. Not good, I know. It's just about two weeks into school and I already feel like I'm buried deep in school work. Six feet under if you know what I mean. But I guess it's not just that. The training has been killing me too. Coach has me trying to make up for the 5 weeks I was gone over the summer plus other things. Whoopdedoo. Just lovely. So yeah, school is okay. The usual stress, the usual cramming. Training is not so okay. The drive is more present than ever. Buhay-athleta my bum. I should really stop this. I need more time to sleep. Sleep deprivation is just not healthy.

Hey Trix, if you diligently read my blog then you'll know that I'm missing you. Because here, I'm saying it: I MISS ERICA SILVA.
And Ina, if you get to read this, we should have lunch one of these days. I miss you too. :)
And to all those who love me out there, leave me a message. Anywhere, here or on email or on chat. I need the emotional support. I'm such a loner in school now, being a shiftee and an irregular student and all that. It doesn't bother me much. But hey, it can get lonely.

Class sched:
(Just so you can see what I'm going through. It looks so much easier on paper.)

Oh yeah, GO BOSTON CELTICS! woohoo!

It's a long way home.

Just like that the essence of time is back. Today I resumed my training for varsity. So with aching feet, growing blisters, sticky skin and cramping muscles, I write this entry. For the whole of my summer, time was lost on me. It flew by without me knowing, or it took as long as it wanted for my day to last. Time to me was the rising of the sun and waning of the moon. The watch was only there to tell me what time I had to be at the airport, what time I had to board the plane, what time it was in other places. Otherwise, it was just a piece of decoration on my wrist. I had no care as to whether it was a Monday or a Wednesday. I always had to ask someone to refresh my memory. I couldn't keep track. But just like that, the essence of time is back. Routine and schedule have entered my life once again. Starting today, I have training at 5pm up until the moment I can no longer walk. June 6 is my registration. June 10 is when my classes begin.
There's no time for me to be disoriented anymore because summer is truly over.
But at least the sunny happy memories and something else isn't!

WOO!

finally i'm free. summer summer summer is here yo! i took that last orals yesterday with sir leland, kept my C, and even got a compliment! so yeah. i guess everything is okay. today we're having a tournament at UP and this thing stretches until the third of April. then on the fifth we'll be having another one too. i've been trying to make more friends in these tournaments. though i can be so stupid when it comes to remembering names. oh well. i'll just have to try my best to remember. didn't win any official games today. almost did for one. completely didn't for the other one. sigh. i need to practice more. think! the last time i played and trained was december. not good. won in the last not official one with a kid i met. the "batang kwadrado". i call him that because he uses a square paddle. i think his real name is Gabriel or Abril. i'm not sure. i couldn't really understand him. well, that's it. i'm happy today. i love mihali. i missed my teammates and was over joyed to see them again. :)
love love love.

sembreak

i'm loving every bit of it.

so far all i've done is play pingpong. that's it. play, sleep, and watch t.v./movies. i love it when some friends come over (may it be my friends or the friends of my brothers), they make the house all the more lively. along with mihali, i'm wishing that his sembreak would already arrive. unfortunately, his taste of freedom will still be on friday, the 26th. it's pretty near...but i'm wishing his sembreak is now. i plan to finally learn how to play the guitar this semestral break. i wonder if someone nice is willing to teach me? hmmm? anyways, i'm in the process of learning DotA - a computer game that a lot of people play. I've been hearing of it since a long time ago and it has always caught my curiosity. i just stayed away from it so that i wouldn't get distracted and let it affect my grades. but since i'm on break now, whoopee! i'm free to do whatever i please. hoorah for this break. i don't think i want classes to start. no matter how boring most days can be.

although i think i'm getting fat.

the team is currently in a tournament now -- october 19-22. it's the UP Interscholastic tournament. being held at the UP gym, i kind of find it inefficient, disorganized, and...well, not fit for such a big tournament. i'm wishing it was being held in our beloved gym instead. to think! we waited the WHOLE day for nothing, thinking we had some games to play. But NOOOO, the games were MOVED. to monday! wow. the whole day, spent waiting, what a waste. gah. anyways, i'm bushed. off to bed i go. 'til next time.

one. big. fight.

boo. i'm so tired. today, even if only played one game against one of the best players of one of the top tabletennis teams which is UST, i am exhausted (uh, imagine me, a class C player going up against a class A player? she even defeated our number 2 O_o. my games were over before i even knew it). Cheering my teammates on takes a lot of energy. my throat really hurts now, and my arms too from waving them around. Most of the games were really dramatic and intense. i thought i was going to have a heart attack. every point counts and i want to be there with my teammates when they make each and every one of them. most of the games, instense and dramatic as i mentioned earlier, were really close games. unfortunately, we won none of them on an over-all. oh well, there's still tomorrow. THERE IS STILL ROUND TWO. i know we'll do better this time. we can make it and we will DO it. i believe in our team. we've trained hard for this.

anyways, i'm so tired. and exhausted. i have to be in school again tomorrow by six am. boo. raar. i have to study but being tired doesn't help. you can't study when you're tired. so there, i'm not studying when i know i'm supposed to be studying. BOO. maybe i'll just sleep. i need it anyways. NO! must. study. must. do. schoolwork. gah. oh no...help?

i am going to try

being happy.
yepyep! this whole month of august, i realized that i've been in some major mood swings. you can even call them being on the verge of depression maybe... i'd have bouts of extreme sadness, frustration, and loneliness. On some days, i felt like a complete total failure (a bit redundant, yes i know). A failure in all aspects of my life: academics, varsity, family, myself. i wanted to have something so much more, to excel in all things i do, but lately things have not been going my way. it must be the pressure getting to me. i'd go home extremely exhausted with this feeling of lack - a mix of emotions spelling out "i'm not good enough." and "there's something missing..." I'd slap myself sometimes, or bite myself in the hope that i'd wake up from the nightmare i was feeling. It was hard to even work up a smile. a genuine authentic true smile of happiness.

a few nights ago, i bawled out in front of my mom. i talked to her and let out all my frustrations and what i've been going through. She was kind enough to just listen and comfort me. People have been trying to put perspective in my life. my friends, my mom. they've been telling me to think of other things aside from the nightmare that has been playing on my mind. things like my blessings, what i have, what i should be thankful for. it's possible that i myself chose not to listen. i allowed those kind words to fall on deaf ears. But i shall be deaf no more.

i loved myself last night.
i love myself today.
and i shall be happy.

"smile!"

last night at Fazoli's Eastwood.
a night out with Hali and a few members of the team.

Thanks Hali for everything. I really had fun!
i love you <3

24 hours, day in & day out, we are together.

i love my teammates and i can't seem to get enough of them.
i love you guys!
fight! fight!

(here's a short post because i am so tired from hanging out with you from yesterday 'til tonight nonstop.)