i am going to try

being happy.
yepyep! this whole month of august, i realized that i've been in some major mood swings. you can even call them being on the verge of depression maybe... i'd have bouts of extreme sadness, frustration, and loneliness. On some days, i felt like a complete total failure (a bit redundant, yes i know). A failure in all aspects of my life: academics, varsity, family, myself. i wanted to have something so much more, to excel in all things i do, but lately things have not been going my way. it must be the pressure getting to me. i'd go home extremely exhausted with this feeling of lack - a mix of emotions spelling out "i'm not good enough." and "there's something missing..." I'd slap myself sometimes, or bite myself in the hope that i'd wake up from the nightmare i was feeling. It was hard to even work up a smile. a genuine authentic true smile of happiness.

a few nights ago, i bawled out in front of my mom. i talked to her and let out all my frustrations and what i've been going through. She was kind enough to just listen and comfort me. People have been trying to put perspective in my life. my friends, my mom. they've been telling me to think of other things aside from the nightmare that has been playing on my mind. things like my blessings, what i have, what i should be thankful for. it's possible that i myself chose not to listen. i allowed those kind words to fall on deaf ears. But i shall be deaf no more.

i loved myself last night.
i love myself today.
and i shall be happy.

"smile!"

last night at Fazoli's Eastwood.
a night out with Hali and a few members of the team.

Thanks Hali for everything. I really had fun!
i love you <3