Let the Countdown Begin

I had a lunch time surprise today. After a few months of one-sided video calling and many days of pure emailing, I finally got to see Rick's face through a webcam. A moving, laughing, smiling, handsome image of him.

Working on my two Psy109 papers which are due tomorrow in my pj's and morning face, my heart jumped at the sound that Skype makes when someone tries to call you. The first thing that popped into my mind was Now, who would be calling me? Lo and behold, Rick Slaughter was the name. I think time may have slowed down a bit at that moment. I could not believe that there, blinking on my laptop monitor, was another chance to hear his voice. Such timing too, I had been longing to hear him speak for some time now (excuse the cheese, this is what you call missing someone). Little did I know that he had already purchased a webcam. I was... I think speechless or maybe stunned. Hahaha. Because my face or voice did not initially express the happiness I was feeling. But then it hit me, oh booooy, I look like craaaaap. I didn't even want him to see me. I mean, not in the state I was in: an unshowered-pj-clad-stress-wrecked-study-mode-I-don't-care-what-I-look-like-anymore Aneka! But he wouldn't let me not let him see me. Yep. I had to show him my fez eventually. Imagine the horrors. He took me though as I was, and even told me I was beautiful (ehem ehem. ginayuma ko kasi, ok.) I couldn't stop smiling. I couldn't stop looking at his face either. I think I did some major blushing. I felt my face warm up for the longest time. And no, it wasn't due to the heat.

So yeah... I am happy. A usual morning webcam chat with my bootiful cousin Erica, plus Rick calling, plus a merienda prepared by my brother Juancho even without my asking... who wouldn't be? (didn't something similar to this happen before?)

NOW I REALLY CAN'T WAIT FOR THE 20TH. If only these papers would write themselves. See you soon people in Pitt. <3

Dichotomies

It's very unnerving how some things can be the complete opposite of another. Last night, I went out with my friends to go dancing. Feeling good and looking good, we headed out into the night and had a blast moving to the music. It was a really fun experience and a great form of release for the stress and emotional imbalance I've been feeling. I was happy last night, and was glad to be out... but I was unaware of what was happening across the globe.

This morning, I found out that my boyfriend's grandma passed away on Thanksgiving day. Someone I care about really deeply was in pain and shock while I was dancing the night away... that's just... that kind of feels really wrong. And I'm feeling a pang of guilt. I wish I was there to comfort him. I can't forget what Rick told me though, this is what his father said: it was a day of thanksgiving and a day to be thankful for her life and to celebrate it rather than mourn her death. I couldn't help but nod in agreement. This is definitely a very beautiful way to look at his grandma's death. I wouldn't want it any other way.

There are a lot of things to be thankful in this life, mostly things that we tend to take for granted. Therefore, I think thanksgiving shouldn't be just on one day where the turkey is brought out and families come together... thanksgiving should be everyday. A daily celebration of even the tiniest things that usually go unnoticed.

I'm thankful for you, you, and you -- all those I love and are close to my heart. Know that I am grateful and happy to have all of you be a part of my life.

And here I was feeling lonely when I'm not alone at all.

I'll tell you everything I know

Every little thing I know.

Today ended with me feeling a bit empty, like all the laughs I laughed were empty laughs, that all the smiles I ever smiled were some masquerade. There's something that shakes me from within that keeps me unfocused. I find myself staring out into space. Preoccupation for distraction is something alright. I'm finding it hard to attain. Counting the days, I guess it makes sense. But I wonder why it has to be such a feeling - a feeling of wanting... of wanting to be somewhere else?

I feel lonely.